LA CRUSCA

Quel giorno l’angolo della cultura si occupò della lingua italiana, dei suoi

cambiamenti negli anni e della'"Accademia della Crusca”, gruppo di letterati che

ogni anno si riunisce e decreta le parole cadute in disuso e quelle nuove

che devono fare parte del dizionario, per non parlare dei neologismi.

Un Manager IBM, dopo una sua permanenza di qualche settimana presso la

Sede IBM Italia della filiale di Roma, probabilmente non al corrente degli

Aggiornamenti della Crusca scrive una lettera al capofiliale in questi termini:

It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our
establishment in Rome that offensive language is commonly used by our
Italian speaking staff. Such behaviour, in addition to violating our
policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and staff.
All personnel will immediately adhere to the following rules:

1. Words like cazzo, porca puttana or mi sono rotto il cazzo and other such
expressions will not be tolerated or used for emphasis or
dramatic effect,no matter how heated a discussion may become.

2. You will not say ha fatto una cazzata when someone makes a mistake, or
se lo stanno inculando if you see someone being reprimended, or che
stronzata when a major mistake has been made. All forms and derivations of
the verb cagare are utterly inappropriate and unacceptable in our
environment.

3. No project manager, section head or administrator under any
circumstances will be referred as figlio di puttana, coglione, testa
di cazzo.

4. Lack of determination will not be referred to as mancanza di palle nor
will persons who lack initiative be referred to as bradipo or cagone.

5. Unusual or creative ideas offered by the management are not to be
referred as pippe mentali or idee del cazzo.

6. Do not say come rompe le palle nor ha rotto i coglioni if a person is
persistent; do not add gli fa ancora male il culo if a colleague is going
through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say siamo nella
merda (refer to item # 2) nor ci hanno aperti when a matter becomes
excessively complicated.

7. When asking a someone to leave you alone, you must not vattene affanculo
nor should you ever substitute May I help you? With che cazzo vuoi?

8. Under no circumstances should you ever call your elderly industrial
partners vecchi stronzi.

9. Do not say me ne sbatto when a relevant project is presented to you, nor
should you ever answer ciucciami il cazzo when your
assistance is required.

10. You should never call partners as frocio or mignotta; the sexual
behavior of our staff is not to be discussed in terms such as
culattone or bagascia. 11. Last but not least, after reading a note please don't say mi ci pulisco
il culo. Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.

Thank you.
Regards, The manager